... you have to build it.
You have to develop trust, step by step. Trust is based on mutual respect.
As a police negotiator, one learns the main principle of negotiating: you negotiate with a human, not with a criminal. If I judge my opponent and no longer respect them, I get neither trust nor access.
Police and FBI use the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM); the 4 steps to trust:
- Actively listen, without asking questions
- Emphasize common feelings, instead of simply acknowledging theirs with "I understand your situation"
- Do not evaluate or judge information received, just accept it
- Develop common solutions
Some politicians have not paid attention to the coalition negotiations in Germany. They expressed no common feelings, they negated the information they had obtained, and they constantly spoke of the correctness of their own position. Such actions create mistrust, not trust.
Politicians would be well advised to build trust instead of constantly complaining about lack of trust. Whining is easy, but it brings no solution, especially not a responsible government.
• Trust is based on respect
• Respect means "seeing the person" without casting judgement
• Anyone who publicly condemns their negotiating partner hinders trust
• Watch this movie: Endgame. It is the guide to building trust in difficult negotiations